Thursday, May 31, 2007
@ 10:07 PM
and yes, im supposed to be studying.
and no, im not turning into a scientist.
well, its just that, i'm kinda expecting a lot from myself right now. after looking through those uni brochures, and no, im not exaggerating, its about time i made some decent plans for my future. if i do well, i could secure my seat, in that minute intake of 80, in NUS. competing with no more than the rest of the JCs and Poly students.
the first round of UT grades are almost out, anatomy was mayhem. i needed one more mark to get a B+ so, i gt a B. which was relatively fine i guess. but to my greatest relief, I gt an A for my applied chem, which was so no expected. and fark u crystal. don say im a loser, cause I'm scoring for science.
you know, at times. love is always taken for granted. this anecdote has been on my mind and i have been wanting to share with you guys. she's my best fren in RP. she, suffered a way too much for an earth-ling. countless emotional breakdowns with guys, and she's not fugly. or anything. and im really wondering if this particular one could give her the happiness she needs, im keeping my fingers cross for anything to happen. but to that ms best fren. i tell you, just go for it, no point eating the grazed grass. look forward. =) and yet, behind this unsighted tragedy lies a couple with absolutely no idea how much bliss they are enjoying. and yet they love to antagonize one another. wells, this world isn't fair. just take my word. treasure what you have , not when it's lost.
i need encouragements to carry on this rough flight.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
@ 3:08 PM
really cant stand that old cheena zar bor.
she sucks big time.
i guess that is the dependency of life, one must depend on self when the need arises.
im on my own now. applied chem. one major disaster.
Monday, May 28, 2007
@ 2:25 PM
even the kindest soul like perry does not like everyone. so why expect everyone to like you? likewise for me, i dont expect everyone to be favour of me or like me. if i mind about people's opinions so much. i would seriously die of some depression or something.
i'm about to present and i'm still not sure what's the content about. i'm just so not in the mood today. I need to rest my mind from all these exhausting terms and work. workload is too much. within such a short time. irregular sleeping hours are not helping either especially when mr. insomnia comes into play.
i love gwen's companion.=)
im still seeking a better tomorrow.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
@ 12:29 AM
i realized how juvenile i was in the past. looking at my past entries and comparing them with the current ones. the method of writing and speaking. the mega singlish and stuff. makes me really feel kinda disgusted. but then i wonder? all these changing myself for the better, doesn't it make me lose myself gradually along the way? have i in turn created a pseudo image? is this the WEIHOW i wan others to view me as? or my original true self. i wonder.
i received the present from the ah go go today. it was a real nerve wrenching experience. although when you handed me the gift, i seemed rather nonchalant about it. but in fact, deep down, i felt a twitch, of happiness, of urgency to immediately open it. and of course, no doubt, it was made with love, heart warming, time travelling and last but not least. humorous. THANK YOU =)
the life in school has been rather mundane. just watching myself going through rounds and rounds of rough tribulations made me wonder if this is the real path i plan to undertake. well, as crystal said, we could always do a degree of our choice. im heading for a communications =)
great singapore sale's on. im only aiming for one particular product; tell me if its on sale. don't you find the unique buttons unique and appealing? its 96 bucks. from topman.
and im glad. cause my grades are picking up once again.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
@ 1:57 PM
can i still meet the ever changing demands of the daily grading?
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
@ 8:36 PM
on the random train rides, when im alone.
i put on the ear piece, blocking out all the noises.
if only the pain could be blocked out with that amount of ease.
lots of uncertainty, emotions running within me.
at times i love being alone, since it gives me the pleasure of being in my own thoughts and day-dreaming. which is what i do best nowadays. at other times, being alone is a sign of weakness, where its makes me feel that one's presence is so minute that he/she is so outcast. otherwise, i love the times of being alone.
facing a whole load of science, facts, knowledge, makes me really wonder how einstein survived, its a real deal to be actually practicising it than to be listening to it as a norm day lesson. well, i'm now left to fend for myself. science is not smthg that we could grasp at one go, it needs, time, skill, and foundation which apparently i all lack.
i really admire those students who could understand those concepts , and while i sit there, believing that everything is nice and happy, seemingly surreal. giving that peusdo facade that i do know my work. but wth. have absolutely no idea about.
its common knowledge that one is never satisfied with themselves and would always push further to make themselves better. more well read, etc. otherwise, envying others, obliterating the fulfillments that they themselves enjoy, thinking that the lawn next door is greener than theirs. im the same, perhaps it my low self esteem that made me this way.
& im so ready to let go.
Friday, May 11, 2007
@ 3:19 PM
though my world may fall i will never let you go.
its been a month. since school started. meaning a month, since that fall out, well, i miss all the times we had. but, i just cant seem to bring myself to forgive, it was just such a huge blow for me. it might have seemed minute because i seem to have enjoyed myself thoroughly. well, it has been on my thoughts.
i have a sea of people surrounding me all the time, be it school mates, class mates, friends. but seriously, i feel like so alone, its like everyone is living for themselves. all out thriving and vying, its like living in a battlefield, a intellectual warfare, as we progress in our second year, the clique has sort of split up. With our differing motives and directions, we are drifting so far apart, guess thats a price to pay for being in separate classes.
test and more tests! a total hill of workload, much revision and researches. i have changed, instead of just downloading the 6p and wait for the test morning before glancing through, i realised the need to study, the need to find out what are the underlying concepts. which makes the year two life a little less enjoyable. with that professional profiling coming up, gosh, i still have no idea what topic to dwell upon.
can God send me some time?
Sunday, May 06, 2007
@ 8:29 PM
this week is bound to be a stressful and busy week.
dealt with lots of upcoming UTs and worse is, the subject that i loathe.
well. nothing much else to blabber about. just need to start cracking.
tues: anatomy
thurs: applied chem
fri: microbiology
and according to mr ck, he thinks the modules are fine. well, to each his own, he's a scientist up there. and im not half of it.
to be frank, im still scared from that incident.
alright till then. i've got a date with my anatomy notes
Thursday, May 03, 2007
@ 8:56 PM
life. many differing meanings. often, misjudged. people often have the common perception that fame makes life. otherwise life becomes 'in vain'. what then makes life fruitful? having friends? i frequently wonder, despite being in a huge circle of friends, who actually comes to my aid when i needed? or rather, are my true friends. i feel rather distraught that even though i have many fiends. only a handful could be seriously be reliable.well, only time and opportunities would reveal a person's true inner self. not that puesdo image he/she creates. you could be among a sea of people, but you are simply alone. just you.
i ponder a lot. or rather in people's language nowadays, i think too much.
you claimed we are best friends, i did so much for this friendship, but from my point of view, as long as your clique comes into play. im totally so not on your list. even cliques in tertiary school. uncomparable.
in a world's like RP, where it is competitive. and seriously it is, cause, people are all vying for the grades. its all about ace-ing your modules and this cold harsh reality of us having daily grading system. its just a dog-eat-dog world aint it? people just love putting up false masks and pretend its all lovey dovey and yet stashing a knife behind your backs waiting for the right time to give you a hard one.
new classes, tougher modules are all a basic part of a Republican's life, i got over it, good or bad, though half the time my brains trodes along memory lane, recounting the steps i took in year 1, where i can call school fun, its amazing, but good times don last and bad times stay, im withdrawn, i don wan to put my everything in this class so i face separation easier.
i always enjoyed their companion=)
