@ 8:36 PM
on the random train rides, when im alone.i put on the ear piece, blocking out all the noises.
if only the pain could be blocked out with that amount of ease.
lots of uncertainty, emotions running within me.
at times i love being alone, since it gives me the pleasure of being in my own thoughts and day-dreaming. which is what i do best nowadays. at other times, being alone is a sign of weakness, where its makes me feel that one's presence is so minute that he/she is so outcast. otherwise, i love the times of being alone.
facing a whole load of science, facts, knowledge, makes me really wonder how einstein survived, its a real deal to be actually practicising it than to be listening to it as a norm day lesson. well, i'm now left to fend for myself. science is not smthg that we could grasp at one go, it needs, time, skill, and foundation which apparently i all lack.
i really admire those students who could understand those concepts , and while i sit there, believing that everything is nice and happy, seemingly surreal. giving that peusdo facade that i do know my work. but wth. have absolutely no idea about.
its common knowledge that one is never satisfied with themselves and would always push further to make themselves better. more well read, etc. otherwise, envying others, obliterating the fulfillments that they themselves enjoy, thinking that the lawn next door is greener than theirs. im the same, perhaps it my low self esteem that made me this way.
& im so ready to let go.